Third time…yucky

It’s all sinking in … quite literally! This cycle saw me in bed for 6 days….6 days! Could not even try and fight it, I now understand FATIGUE!

The cycle itself was SEVERELY painful due to the cording (vein damage), so much so that they had to stop and start chemo as I was in tears – pure pain and SPASMS through the hand and arm. To this day, it is very, very sore…

It has been decided that for my next cycle, I will be fitted with a PICC line, which will be threaded to sit on top of the heart. I will receive chemo this way for the last 3 cycles. I am being fitted with this on 22/12, then will have an Xray done to ensure that it is in the correct position.


I was completely WIPED out by this last cycle… body has recognised the chemo now and trying to deal with it. I feel a lot weaker and out of breath now, so need to do things at a different pace than I am used it. Yesterday I was clearing some paperwork, just tearing the paper was painful for my arm and I was so tired. *I got Gingko Biloba for the fatigue, should have had it from day one but at least I have it ready for the next cycle.

Oh, I also forgot to take the laxatives for the first 2 days, OMG…NEVER will I EVER forget that. I won’t go into detail about that….just know that I have been eating LOTS and LOTS of prunes!

My dog is very confused – one minute, I am taking her for 2 hour daily walks, 1hr in the morning and 1 hr in the evening, then my cycle happens and BOOM….she has to pace the floor to get anyone’s attention that she needs to go out!

I had 50ml fluid inserted into my inflatable yesterday.Consultant said that she has never seen a reaction to the breast in her career like mine has had since I had the infection a few weeks ago. She was hoping that the mastectomy would just be a smooth shape and the fluid would be gradually inserted to give me the clevage and symmetry that I am used to. She is still unsure if we will keep the inflatable in but will review again on the 9/01. Having woke up this morning after the 50ml from yesterday, everything seems *ok*.

I need to get back on track with my juicing. I have now bought produced by a cancer survivor, so that is my mission for the next week, getting back on track!

My next chemo is on 24/12…..<insert cries here!>…though, I am looking at it this way, it’s my Christmas present to be one step closer to finishing!

I continue to meet the most amazing people through this journey, going through similar, if not WORSE. These women are so inspiring, makes me feel humbled and grateful for my life and this chance I have of getting through this.

Right, I have a parents Christmas event to attend tonight, Winter Wonderland theme….perfect timing as I am in the ‘good zone’ and I have one hand that works, one hand is all you need to hold a glass of delicious bubbly! 😉

*mwahs* to you all reading this….I appreciate it!




‘That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind’

Yup, I felt like Neil Armstrong yesterday for my first walk out the house, exactly one week after surgery…I was BUZZING!

Don’t remember reading about Neil needing an ice pack though…but that’s what I was doing at 9pm, holding an ice pack against my chest!

Yes, I overdone things. I went from feeling super upbeat and excited in the morning, to laying in bed feeling swollen and like I had mastitis!

The redness and hotness was similar to that of a Baywatch swimsuit and in fact, the size of the swelling, I reckon I could have given Pammie a run for her money! I was MUCH less glamorous looking though, my ‘ice pack’ … was ice in a Tesco plastic bag…..

A few days before, the nurse removed my drain as the fluid was 35 ml, so I was good to be released. The swelling I believe is a combination of me maybe walking around, moving around too much on my first day out, might have gotten things flowing, hence the swelling. I have spoken to my McMillan nurse and have my post op appointment on Friday morning.

The surgery has honestly not bothered me one bit, it’s just one of those things and the fact that my consultant did such an AMAZING JOB, is it horrible that I am now favouring righty, who is all pert and solid? Don’t worry lefty, I still love you and will pay for you to catch up and match righty when this is all done in the near future!


Decision time…..

Must mention this first. I was SO nervous about putting my blog OUT THERE, to the extent that I was shaking like a leaf before pressing the publish button and once I hit publish, I went to pour a large glass of wine! Well, I searched and searched for the blog as I connected it to my Facebook page but it did not connect. OMG, the next 20 minutes was awful! I pressed publish a few times, went in and changed my settings and checked, even texted a friend, ‘can you see it?’, she couldn’t!

I eventually sorted it and then stayed offline for a few hours. I felt sick, not anything to do with my diagnosis, just tummy turning sick and shaky! When I did pop back online, I burst into tears at the comments. Rob was next to me and asked what was wrong – told him I had just published the blog and I read just *some* of the comments as I was just crying. These were tears of RELIEF and gratitude, so THANK YOU to every single one of you who read my first ever blog about my journey, thank you to every single one of you who shared a story, commented on both the blog and Facebook, thank you to everyone who called and left me a message, sent me a text, a what’s app and a private message too. Each of these messages, be it a simple ‘x’, has meant the world to me.

I have truly been mechanical throughout this, once I had a few RANDOM crying sessions. Not more than 4 times to date. It’s happened at bed time, once I have taken NYTOL (thank goodness for that), I lie there and just feel terribly sad. It’s on my mind 24/7 but for the most of it, I have been fine, just taking it one step at a time and trusting my wonderful consultant and her team.

Since sharing the blog and yesterday’s meeting at the hospital, I admit, it’s hitting home a lot more. It was the release I needed and it will help me in the dark days. I have heard that chemo will be harder than the actual surgery so I have been planning on how I am going to overcome it. I have obviously been through the scenarios of how I am going to look and feel when I lose my hair. I think it’s inevitable that I will lose my hair I believe. There is an option to use a ‘cold cap’ : but it has mixed reviews. I am inclined to just ‘let it go’ – and even I, as tired as I am of hearing the Frozen song, you just can’t help but sing it when those words are uttered huh?

I did tell Rob that I don’t think I would make an attractive bald person! He said if it were him, he would rock a mohican…erm, no thanks. There are lots of options out there and this is one highly recommended by a doctor friend of mine : be sure to watch the video, it’s amazing…..and then see which celebs use her too :

I’m really not sure what I am going to do yet – just taking it one step at a time. I think about it like this : You lose a boob, go through a rubbish few months trying to tackle the disease, you lose your hair, you keep your LIFE! Small price to pay…besides, hair grows eventually!

Yesterday, 15th August 2014 – I met with my consultant, who by now, you would have read about her experience in the previous blog and I am sure you are also pleased for me!

Op booked in for 9th September. It’s going to be 6 hours. I have chosen not to have immediate reconstruction. I will have the full mastectomy and an expandable inserted, which is inflated with saline over time. We don’t know at this stage if radiotherapy is needed after chemo. If you DO need radiotherapy, they wait for one year after your treatment is completed before offering any type of reconstruction. So for now, I will have an expandable, inflatable. Further down the line, once I am cleared, I can then choose to have reconstruction using tummy or inner thigh skin – this would the most natural feeling tissue versus the silicone. We are nowhere near that process now so I am not going to talk or think about that any more.

*A part of me is happy to just leave as is and I still have the opportunity to tell them on the day if I were to change my mind and not want the expandable but I also have the option of having the expandable and if I am not happy after 2 months, she will remove it! TOLD YOU I am in good hands!