Let it go, let it go…

I’ve had to force myself to come to terms with ‘the Frozen song’ that has played everywhere you turned your head this summer!

After my unexpected post op results of requiring a further CT and bone scan to check if the Cancer has spread elsewhere….my emotions surfaced. If you know me, I don’t do emotions well. A lot has to do with my upbringing but that’s a whole other blog altogether!

The day after the results, I had complementary therapy at ‘the centre’. ‘The centre’ is near me and where ‘everyone like me’ goes. Everyone is at different stages of their journey.

My first session at the centre was exactly 1 week after my op. I later found out that some choose to attend 1 year after diagnosis or op and some have been there 4 years! I wasn’t sure this was the place for me as the meeting started off with, ‘Unfortunately, on Saturday, we lost ‘*Fran’, please take a moment’….

My honest, natural thoughts were…….Are you fucking kidding me!?

Anyways….thankfully, ‘Fran’, was over 80years old and from what I hear, was an amazing, happy, loved lady. The meeting got better and was an eye opener of everyone’s journeys.

Back to the day after my results … I had an EFT session. In summary, it was 45mn listening to me then 15 minutes of ‘tapping’ a statement/mantra, devised from my fears…chemotherapy. You repeat this mantra as you follow the counsellor who is saying this before tapping above eyebrows, under eyes, under lip, collar bone, sides, each finger except your ring finger the the side of your hands and repeat ….by the second round, I BURST into tears…to be expected…such a great RELEASE! No surprise, turns out that I am a very practical person and use very little emotion, it’s all in my head and thoughts…even blogging…however, apparently, my emotions are tapping me from inside, calling me, ‘yoooohoooooo, remember us? We are your emotions and need some tlc too,’

I felt 50% better. 2 days later, I had a Reiki session. Amazing. My body and thoughts went into total relaxation and this was the prep I needed pre chemo. It’s not just been the fear of chemo but it’s been a build up of my VERY busy life….to the extent, I just *slotted* my mastectomy in and up until the day of the operation, I used that time not to be scared but to relax, I was soooo tired! Reflecting back to the day of my operation, Captain Kirk dropped me off at the main entrance of the hospital….my choice. Even though there were a good few hours pre op, I’m a loner by nature. I enjoy my own company, I enjoy holidays on my own and I don’t do good with fuss.

What has blown me away is the FUSS AND SUPPORT I have received since all this started! I decided to ACCEPT it all….and when I DID…OMW….the LOVE just came flooding in…in all forms! This LOVE has not only been from family and friends but acquaintances too…just amazing!

Flowers have been arriving every other day, visitors have brought gifts and treats (and I’m sure some go into the shops, are unsure of what to bring, so they just buy everything!). I’ve now got a designated ‘chemo cupboard’.

I’ve had coffee, chocolate and cookie deliveries, dinners being cooked, daily text check ups, weekly text check ups, conversations on FB, huge support on Twitter too, from people I’ve networked work, fellow bloggers…let me assure you, every single one of you who has taken the time to check in/up on me, I will *always* be here for you, day, night, whenever.

I had a flu jab 2 days ago, recommended pre chemo for the immune system. It’s now Wednesday and I’m writing from the Nuclear Medicine department as I am here for my bone scan. Had my injection with dye and radioactivity and 3 hours later, the imaging commences.

Back here on Monday to meet my Oncology team who will be with me over the next approximately 6 months.

I’m back at work now and have the wonderful support of a PA who started yesterday…Superwoman has taken her cape off!

Oh, I’ve cut my hair in preparation for the next phase of my journey…



6 thoughts on “Let it go, let it go…

    1. Awwww B….big hugs!

      ‘It is what it is’…unknown territory and learning massively about myself and others as this journey continues.

      I would love to say and think that this is not going to stop me from my goals and ambitions…and it most definitely hasn’t, to an extent…but I’ve got more ‘unknowns’ to deal with and it’s really just stopped me in my tracks!

      Not much is in my control right now and THAT’s the hardest part.

      I can deal with the physical changes and post op changes, no problem…it’s the other stuff..



  1. wow Nicole, you look amazing. Continue to listen to your emotions and accept the love and support that is offered. You go girl! Big hugs for continued strength and wellness! x Angela

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You and your new hairdo are looking amazing and I’m so proud of your courage and strength. My shoulder is always here if more tears need to flow 😘 stacey x


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